


Letters To My Vhenan

by Emrys_Ace



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age Tevinter Nights, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:34:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29858160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emrys_Ace/pseuds/Emrys_Ace
Summary: Letters my canon Inquisitor Ellana Lavellan (who is nonbinary and uses they/she pronouns) writes to Solas (but doesn’t send) from the end of the final battle with Corypheus continuing after the end of Trespasser. Ellana begins to write the letters because they miss Solas, and writes all the things they wish they could say to him.
Relationships: Lavellan/Solas (Dragon Age)
Kudos: 2





	Letters To My Vhenan

Ma vhenan,

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. It’s not like you’ll ever read it. Even if I wanted to send it, I don’t know where I’d send it to. Leliana’s had her spies hard at work, and you’re nowhere to be found. She says you probably don’t want to be found.

It’s barely been a day. Barely a day since we finally put an end to Corypheus. And even though Skyhold is busy with Inquisition soldiers and spies returning to celebrate, busy with ambassadors and emissaries and more refugees- it feels so empty without you. There’s this horrible silence that follows me everywhere, that even Varric’s jokes or Sera’s teasing can’t penetrate.

I miss you, Solas. I miss you so bad. You’ve barely been gone a day. and there’s already such a gaping hole in my heart. It hurts more than when you walked away from me at that clearing in Crestwood. It hurts more because I know you won’t be back at Skyhold waiting for me whenever I return from a trip. I can’t bear to even enter the rotunda, to stand in the room where you used to sit and tell me stories of your adventures in the Fade.

Maybe it would hurt less if I knew why.  
Why you kept holding back with me, why you were hiding things from me. I knew you were. I could tell that there were times you wanted to tell me something, some big secret of yours. But you held back every time. Don’t you know I would’ve understood? Whatever it is you wanted to tell me, I’d have listened, and I’d have understood. I spent most of my life before the Conclave with only myself for company. I never let anyone in, I never allowed myself to get close to anyone. You know that. All that practice I had with hiding things helped me learn to spot it in others.  
I don’t know if you were afraid to tell me because you thought it would hurt me, or that I wouldn’t understand. But you should know that I wouldn’t care. I love you, and that’s all that matters. That was enough for me, was it not enough for you?

There is still much for the Inquisition to do. There are still refugees to help, disputes to settle. I expect we will continue to receive reports of Venatori activity and others still loyal to Corypheus for a while yet. The main fight may be over, but I’m still the Inquisitor. I never thought I’d enjoy such a role, but I’ve come to love it. Still, I look forward to the day our work is done and we can disband, so that I can finally rest.

No matter how much time will pass, you will never leave my mind. Things were always easier with you by my side, and it’s going to be difficult not having your advice on matters. I know I will miss the comfort of your unwavering support, the surety you always gave me in battle. They say things like this get easier with time, but I don’t know if it will. I don’t want it to.

I suppose there’s no point in agonising over it now. You’re gone. I don’t know if you’ll ever come back. But I will hope and pray that I will see you again. I must have faith that you will return one day.

I hope that, wherever you are, you find what you are looking for.

Dareth shiral,

Ellana.


End file.
